You must honestly confront your shattered dream. Each one of us has been hurt

somehow at some stage of our life. Yes, our self esteem has been tampered,

shattered and laid bare.

For some it was this failure which stares at you at the forefront of your mind.

The incapacity to obtain a satisfactory conclusion to a personal, social, educational,

commercial transaction can leave you feeling unworthy.

For others, it may be this sense of guilt that lingers on. You should have done this;

You should have acted this way; You should have replied in this manner;

You should have…But you did not and the guilt remains like a sour taste in the mouth.

Sometimes, you are overwhelmed with this feeling of inadequacy. You are embarrassed

that you have made a fool out of yourself. Your ego is ashamed and low self esteem sets in.

How can you transform this liability into an asset?

How can I transmute this dungeon of shame into a haven of redemptive solace?

Almost anything that happens to you can be woven into a meaningful tapestry. For example, a Christian person can see God at work when faced with difficulties. Carrying that cross can be a meaningful way of breaking that self centred pride.

Your Self esteem fear can be overcome by  a very simple technique:

Situation: Try to view events, situations or actions in an objective way. Imagine that you a neutral observer instead of being the “I”, the “me”. Adopt an unbiased view of the situation at hand. This is not an easy thing to do when you are desperate, depressed, downcast and negative, but you must persevere as practice makes perfect.

Evaluation: Again this is not an easy exercise One way to evaluate a problem objectively is as follows:  Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a line in the middle. On the left write down the pros and on the left, spell the cons. If you are honest with yourself, you will evaluate (place values) where it is required.

Another Evaluation tool is this: Take a good look at yourself presently. Look at the blessings that God has bestowed upon you. You have eyes to see; you have a voice to sing or speak; you have hands to touch; you have a mouth to eat or drink; you have a nose to smell or breathe; you probably have reasonably good health and have a job to put food on the table….

When you consider that there are millions of people who lack some of the above, you can count yourself lucky. So do not be afraid if your ego is bruised slightly. Pick yourself up and move on.

Emotions: Change your emotions to suit the situation. For example, if you are down and feeling a failure, then fake it. Pretend that you are on the way up and that you are a success. Again, this is not easy, but start by smiling and laughing at yourself.

The above example will increase your self esteem and confidence and as a result of your positive actions, you will confront your fears and realise that those difficulties and hiccups were necessary to mould your personality. You will discover that over time, those challenges were useful in your makeup and made you the person that you are

Some events make people happy and others sad.

Why someone gets mad about a particular event or situation, whilst to another person, it leaves them indifferent ?

You may reply that this person has a different personality and another was brought up this way.

This article explores how you can improve your self esteem by examining what type of thinking occurs in your head.

Distorted thinking occurs when someone does not think straight. For example, people who take illicit drugs are often portrayed as socially inadequate and influenced by their peers. They want to feel useful and be successful in life, yet, they exhibit a high level of fatalistic outlook of life and resignation because they are not in control . Hence, this dichotomy manifests itself in their erratic thinking and behaviour.

Thinking straight is capital to your well being because this decide how you will feel and what you will do every day. This introspection of “feelings” is part of your self esteem. It is a constant occurrence because human beings are always thinking and feeling.

People do not always think the same way about things. If they “think” differently and “feel” differently about things, then they “do” things differently.

What differentiates humans from animals is this capacity to think and to reason.

Thinking straight helps us to make informed or uninformed decisions about how to react, how to feel, how to be happy or sad about things.

Ultimately, the “SELF” (i.e. the “I”, the EGO )is the governing factor.

“My view of the world”, is my Self Esteem. It is about my motivation and personal identity and aspirations. William James gave this definition in 1890 in the Principles of Psychology: “Self esteem is success divided by pretensions”. James implied that high self esteem was not dependent only upon success in life. A person may exhibit a high level of success in their profession and be admired, yet deep down, they may be depressed or have a negative opinion of themselves because their aspirations, desires, goals or pretensions were not met.

Often, people will go to counselling because, they are upset, disturbed, sad, depressed as these negative feelings do not go away.

What is the cause all this low self esteem ? Could we just lay the blame on an alcoholic partner, incoherent government, incompetent teacher, intolerant parents or insensitive partner ?

If we keep on finger pointing or blaming others or events, then we are responsible for acquiring low Self esteem.

You need to ask yourself the following questions:

What was the cause of the Upset ? Does the things that I aspire in life (better job, being accepted and liked, more money, etc) not met?

It is often your OPINION or YOUR POINT OF VIEW about an event, person, situation, that caused you to be upset, sad, depressed. Therefore, you are not disturbed by things, events, but by your  emotional reactions and distressing feelings.

What are the consequences of low or poor self esteem?

Low or poor self esteem is an insidious disease. When it is present inside your head, you hardly know that you have got it, until you realise that you are depressed, shameful, feeling guilty and down right negative.

Do I need to see a Doctor or get admitted to a Psychiatric hospital?

You have heard the expression “putting your thinking cap on”. Well, it is possible that if you think about something in a particular way, you may “talk” yourself into it. You can make happen that very thing that you wished not to happen.

Here is an example of distorted thinking: Avoid anxious thoughts or outcomes

You  go shopping. Suddenly, an anxious thought occurs: I may faint or collapse because of the noise and the crowd.

Feelings of panic, confusion and anxiety seize you. The corrective action is this: I have been shopping before and nothing happened.

Just because I do not feel well, does not mean that something terrible will occur. After all, thousands of people shop daily and hardly anyone collapses.

I need to relax, sit down, build my self confidence and the feeling will pass.

Obviously, there is no black or white thinking. Focusing on negatives or having unrealistic expectations will not help.

One area which could be of assistance is by talking to a counsellor.

The second area is :
Stop Being Closed Minded

If pain persists, Personal online counselling is available.

When Divorce occurs, there is invariably a Self Esteem Collapse. The self or the ego is in a quandary.

Prior to a divorce, you had made the most important decision in life: marriage or the celibate life. You had chosen to “give marriage a try”. Whether both parties were committed to make it work is not for us to judge and is not relevant here. The fact remains: You are disappointed with the outcome.

Suddenly, you are in front of the mirror of self esteem: The False Self is confronting the Real Self. How do you face the hurts, the disappointments, the bitterness, the sorrows and the anxieties ?

One minute, you are diving deep in laying the blame at the other party. Remember you are the offended self now. The other party was inconsiderate; a liar; difficult to live with; selfish; jealous….you gather all the injustice under the sun.  After having let go of all your vile and rancour, you feel justified.

Then the False Self takes over. You keep rummaging away bitterly at the hurt, the guilt, the shame, the disappointments. You are like a lion trapped in a cage.

Secure in this false reality, the self collapses because it falls into the trap of making comparisons .

“I am a nice person. Why did this happen to me ? It is not fair…”

From the above considerations, the whole litany of your Worthiness is questioned.  You  mentally agree that you  are an adequate person and that you are worthy of being loved. You have good intellectual competence. Your personal skills are not too bad- meaning they are average. Frankly you are not an idiot. You have good physical attributes, meaning you are not handicapped physically and your appearance is okay, meaning, you are no slouch.

These generalised feelings of self worth allow you to pass a set of judgments which says that there is nothing wrong with you. Therefore, it follows that you are at a loss to understand why you are not accepted as a worthwhile partner.

Just as it took you a while to fall in love, marry and have a relationship, the same can be said with Divorce. It needs time to heal. The possible consequence of low self esteem is always a risk factor. No one can deny that a divorce does not affect your self esteem. If left untreated, it can lead to loneliness, suicidal thoughts, drug addiction,alcoholism. It can be damaging to your health because it causes a vulnerability to negative forces.

There is no generalised cure for divorce as every case is different. However, in order to change your low self esteem caused by a bitter divorce, you need to focus your attention on changing and learning new skills.  This will take time. There is no quick fix cure. It will take time and patience to learn new behaviours and new responses.

If you have lived with a false self in your previous relationship, it is time to learn the real self. A healthy relationship is a maturing relationship that accepts and encourages the growth of self.  You need to learn skills like anger management, overcoming guilt and shame. You need to overcome distorted beliefs, improve your assertiveness and conflict resolution skills.

Divorce can lead to damage control if you let low self esteem take over.

This malady or disease is further enhanced by negative emotions. As certain events do not pan out the way we desired, we become anxious and irresponsible.

When irrational and inflexible demands are not met and wants or must have are not fulfilled, then, we help spread the virus of low self esteem.

Blame sets in and we go inwards; we become introverts. We blast our past errors and everything else: Our parents; our upbringing; our  work situation; our friends and relationships, etc.

Our thinking is blurred and irrational. As an example, constant bullying can lead to low self esteem. Perhaps, past  events are now resurfacing and suddenly it may dawn on you that the reason you are not successful at a particular task, is because you have kept negative thoughts alive in your head.

The way forward to this vicious circle of negative emotions is to become responsible in your thinking. Negative events of the past must be banished.

You must concentrate on current events at hand and future events. One way in your approach, is to harbour responsible thoughts. Remember the quality of your Thoughts determine your Attitude.

You are solely responsible for the way that you think, feel and act. Blaming is not going to fix things.  You have to take responsibility for your actions and your  thoughts, because, if you don’t, then you become dependent on others to help you out.

Being irresponsible means that you are at the mercy of others. You become a victim and the whole story of your life revolves about your past negative events and how you have been unfairly treated.

It is interesting to note that irresponsible thinking can lead easily to poisonous thinking. You have probably heard it before:

• YOU ARE GOOD FOR NOTHING

What happens is that once this remark hits your irresponsible thinking, you immediately revert to past events. You analyse your whole life and try to feed those negative vibes. In no time, you rate yourself a failure and you see yourself as worthless.

The key here is to deny irresponsible thinking by reacting to it. Do not jump to conclusions. Do not rate yourself and consider yourself to be at the present time, a worthwhile individual. What is past is past and there is nothing you can do about it. Once you start accepting yourself as a worthwhile person, then, you accept responsibility.

Another way to look at poisonous or irresponsible thinking is as follows: Things are not always black or white in life. Your past may have been black or bad but that does not make you a bad person now. You may have erred in the past, but so what ! Nobody is perfect. Accepting that there are different shades of grey can make you more responsible.

Admit that you have a problem and accept yourself for having it is a healthy attitude to take.

Often times people will reason this way: If I acknowledge that I have a problem (like alcohol or drug addiction), this may prove that I am a worthless individual, weak and inadequate in the eyes of my peers, friends or family.

It is much easier to deny that I have a problem and it is much easier to blame my family, friends or peers than to accept that I have a problem.

By admitting that you have a problem, you accept to act responsibly and it is much easier to cope.

To say in simple terms, self esteem is your own opinion about yourself. It is a psychological name used to reflect an individual’s overall appraisal and evaluation in his own merit. Self esteem plays a vital role in budding a person’s happiness, thereby fulfilling his relationships and achievements. Building a good self esteem would help you attain a successful life. It assists you in crafting better choices on your mind and body, thereby making you think that you are important. With a good self esteem, you may feel that every part of you is worth significant and thus you become fit enough to make your own decisions.

One could have either a low self esteem or high self esteem. High self esteem is having a good opinion about yourself, whereas low self esteem is having a bad opinion about yourself. A person with a low self esteem generally has a poor self image. Everyone would have definitely had a high self esteem when they were kids. Kids do not distinguish themselves in a good or bad manner. They are neither superior nor inferior, and this quality happens to play a major role in developing one’s self esteem. A kid growing up with fine encouraging words from his parents is predicted to have a good self esteem. It is very much important to build up your self esteem right from childhood. This helps you when you become older and face tough situations.

A person’s self image depends on how he sees himself. Initially ask yourself, whether you are a good, reliable, honest, friendly or hardworking person. Your working atmosphere also concerns a lot in building your self esteem. With a low self esteem, negative thinking often pops into your mind, thereby grounding you to accept the criticisms that others make of you. This eventually leads you to lose your self confidence and self motivation.

On having a high level of self esteem, you could live life to your potential. With a good self esteem you are smart enough to face challenges. It promotes your self confidence with high motivation, thus providing you with the right attitude to succeed. High self esteem gives you the power to trust yourself and encourages you to try new things. It lets you to develop your self respect too. Hence if you are the one looking for the road to success, then there is nothing other than self esteem to start up with.

(c) Copyright 2010 by Joe Dumas

When you have an open mind which is detached from Shame, Guilt. Fear, Doubt and Low Self Esteem, then, you are ready for great things.
In this video, we explore why Hyposis is so powerful to overcome change…..



I used to be terrified of public speaking – now it’s natural and fun.

Dry mouth, fast heart, sweaty palms, blank mind – yeah I’ve been there! It’s easy to fear public speaking. But I was never just content with overcoming fear. I wanted to be a great speaker. What I needed was a way of calming down and applying simple techniques and strategies to talk like a pro.

When I’d learned to relax (more of that later) I learned and applied the following four steps.

1. Reassure your audience – they need to know you know your stuff and you are human!
2. Hook them by being interesting and relevant. Tell them why what you are saying is relevant to them.
3. Inspire them by giving them information and ways of seeing that are new and applicable.
4. Leave them on a high by telling a story them encapsulates your central message.

How do you become confident enough to apply the four steps?

Here’s some tips some of which are practical some of which are to do with the way you think about your public presentations and also how you can start to change the way you feel about them.

Tip One

Breath your way to calm. When you breath out you relax that’s why people sigh when they’re stressed.

Breathing in without breathing out causes hyperventilation and worsens anxiety. Just before your speech take five minutes breathing in to the count of seven and out to the count of eleven (quick count-not seconds!). On the out breath hold it a second before breathing in again. This will produce quick and lasting calm. Remember extending the out breath calms you down.

Tip Two

You have a responsibility as the presenter but relax you don’t carry all the responsibility. Presenting is a team effort. Audiences are responsible for politeness, extending their attention and attempting to learn. It’s not all you-it’s a meeting of two halves. Never mind how they judge you. How do you judge them?

Tip Three

Use metaphor and stories. We all experience life metaphorically. The most technical logical person spends at least two hours a night dreaming! Talk detail if necessary but present patterns with metaphors. Folk from 4 to 104 love stories. Use em.

Tip four

Captivate attention by using words that evoke all the senses. Describe how things look, sound, feel, smell and taste. Paint pictures and sensations in their minds with your words.

Tip Five

Vary your voice tonality and speed of delivery. Keep them alert and engaged. Convey energy when need be and slow down when you need to ‘draw them in close.’ You are the conductor to their orchestra. And pepper your talk with humour. Your willingness to be funny shows personal confidence and confidence is contagious.

Tip Six

Tell them what they are going to get. What they are currently getting and then what they have got from you. Sell your sizzle!

Tip Seven

Watch and learn from other great speakers until compelling, relaxed speaking is a part of you.

Rehearse positively. You need to rehearse how your going to feel as well as what you are going to present. Don’t think about your forthcoming presentation whilst feeling nervous as this creates an instinctive association between fear and presenting. This natural negative self-hypnosis is very common with nervous speakers.

Hypnotically rehearse your speech whilst feeling relaxed. This produces the right ‘blueprint’ in your mind. In fact when you do this enough times it actually becomes hard to be nervous!

All great speakers know how to use great self-hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis changes attitudes and can bring emotion under control. I used hypnosis, to change my instincts around public speaking. Now I just can’t get nervous whether it’s 50 or 500 people. The world needs great communicators. Go for it!

Cure your fear of public speaking at HypnosisDownloads.com

Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.

Believe the hype or think for yourself

For too long hypnosis has had a bad or ‘difficult’ press. If a person doesn’t understand something they have 3 options open to them.

1) They might be sceptical and therefore save the trouble of looking further and possibly benefiting.
2) They may conclude it is dangerous and to be avoided at all costs.
3) They may spend time discovering the truth behind the hype.

If you don’t know much about a topic it’s easy to be suspicious. Some people assume hypnosis is akin to a carnival side show, others consider it mystic mumbo jumbo or ‘mind control.’ For those who look beyond the hype the truth is far more illuminating.

The most powerful tool you possess

There are potentially huge benefits for those who use hypnosis as part of everyday life. When you understand hypnosis you start to see its potential to improve human performance in the physical, emotional and intellectual realms. For me, rumour, gossip and suspicion weren’t good enough.

I determined to learn all I could about hypnosis – I learned every fact and practised every technique under the sun. I took several training courses – some good, some terrible. I invested thousands of hours of devoted study to hypnosis and discovered just what is possible. I hypnotised friends, neighbours and work colleagues. Hypnosis greatly changed things for me on a personal level

How hypnosis helped me

I used to be shy. Thanks to hypnosis I can now talk to thousands at a time and can approach anybody calmly and confidently.

I used to have poor concentration and procrastinate; thanks to hypnosis I can instantly motivate myself.

I used to find physical work outs and exercise exhausting but because of hypnosis I am now in the best shape of my life.

Incidentally I also stopped myself blushing with hypnosis. Now if ever I have a difficult call or conversation coming up, something I may naturally feel reluctant to do (you know the kind of thing) I spontaneously self hypnotise and rehearse the upcoming situation feeling good, with myself remaining calm. In this way I habitually set my own emotional ‘blue prints’ for up coming situations. Having said that it’s naturally that some people have concerns or half digested ‘hand me down’ ideas regarding hypnosis. A common one is the one about ‘mind control.’ However what does this really mean?

Why you are more in control of yourself in hypnosis

If someone expresses concerns about being ‘controlled’ in hypnosis what they mean is they don’t want to be like a robot, an automaton that is forced to obey the every whim of the hypnotist. We can’t help but influence others but we don’t control them. To understand why you need to understand hypnosis better.

So what is hypnosis like?

Hypnosis isn’t like a coma. It’s not unconsciousness – more a subtle shifting of consciousness. In hypnosis, you can still think logically but you also have access to the ‘software’ of your mind so that you can update instinctive emotional and physical responses. In fact the hypnotised subject (not the hypnotist) calls the shots. When I hypnotise someone I need to go at their speed and respond to their needs and expectations. Hypnosis will give you more control in your own life because of what it enables you to do.

How can I be so sure?

Because over the decades I’ve seen all kinds of people, all ages and from all backgrounds turn their lives around thanks to hypnosis. When you use hypnosis for yourself it improves confidence in all kinds of ways. When you use it to change other’s lives it just blows you away. This is what I mean.

When I first hypnotised someone to feel no sensation in a painful arthritic arm it was an incredible feeling. When I first cured life long phobias quickly and comfortably I was astounded. When I stopped hardened alcoholics from drinking and even got a heroin addict off the stuff and back into mainstream life again I started to feel angry that people could just associate hypnosis with entertainment.

With the aid of hypnosis I (and many people I have trained and worked with) have helped severely depressed people feel strong and positive again. The rewards and satisfactions are hard to describe. I’m going to take a stand against ignorance and short sightedness around hypnosis and here’s why.

Why you need to reclaim hypnosis for yourself

Hypnosis is your birthright. It’s nature’s optimum learning tool. In fact to learn and perform anything well you need to experience a natural focussing of attention, a natural kind of hypnosis. To be successful hypnosis needs to be your companion and friend.

Successful people use it naturally all the time because hypnosis is natural. It’s the way we learn new responses. Unlike medications its side effects are purely positive – one expectant mother I worked with to feel relaxed during child birth later reported that she was also more relaxed when flying!

Hypnosis is easy to learn and every body can benefit. Hypnosis is a safe environment to ‘try out’ new behaviours and emotional patterns before you experience them for real. So the young man can ask a woman out for a date many times in calm relaxed hypnosis so that by the time he does it for real it feels real and natural and relaxed. Sports people who use hypnosis learn new quicker and more accurately. So hypnosis gives you more control of yourself and your life, it’s natural and gives you instant benefits and it’s a way of ‘trying on’ and establishing new patterns of emotional response and behaviour, Hypnosis enables you to develop yourself as a human being.

HypnosisDownloads.com offer a free course called ‘Learn Hypnosis in 5 Days‘.

Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.

Believe the hype or think for yourself

For too long hypnosis has had a bad or ‘difficult’ press. If a person doesn’t understand something they have 3 options open to them.

1) They might be sceptical and therefore save the trouble of looking further and possibly benefiting.
2) They may conclude it is dangerous and to be avoided at all costs.
3) They may spend time discovering the truth behind the hype.

If you don’t know much about a topic it’s easy to be suspicious. Some people assume hypnosis is akin to a carnival side show, others consider it mystic mumbo jumbo or ‘mind control.’ For those who look beyond the hype the truth is far more illuminating.

The most powerful tool you possess

There are potentially huge benefits for those who use hypnosis as part of everyday life. When you understand hypnosis you start to see its potential to improve human performance in the physical, emotional and intellectual realms. For me, rumour, gossip and suspicion weren’t good enough.

I determined to learn all I could about hypnosis – I learned every fact and practised every technique under the sun. I took several training courses – some good, some terrible. I invested thousands of hours of devoted study to hypnosis and discovered just what is possible. I hypnotised friends, neighbours and work colleagues. Hypnosis greatly changed things for me on a personal level

How hypnosis helped me

I used to be shy. Thanks to hypnosis I can now talk to thousands at a time and can approach anybody calmly and confidently.

I used to have poor concentration and procrastinate; thanks to hypnosis I can instantly motivate myself.

I used to find physical work outs and exercise exhausting but because of hypnosis I am now in the best shape of my life.

Incidentally I also stopped myself blushing with hypnosis. Now if ever I have a difficult call or conversation coming up, something I may naturally feel reluctant to do (you know the kind of thing) I spontaneously self hypnotise and rehearse the upcoming situation feeling good, with myself remaining calm. In this way I habitually set my own emotional ‘blue prints’ for up coming situations. Having said that it’s naturally that some people have concerns or half digested ‘hand me down’ ideas regarding hypnosis. A common one is the one about ‘mind control.’ However what does this really mean?

Why you are more in control of yourself in hypnosis

If someone expresses concerns about being ‘controlled’ in hypnosis what they mean is they don’t want to be like a robot, an automaton that is forced to obey the every whim of the hypnotist. We can’t help but influence others but we don’t control them. To understand why you need to understand hypnosis better.

So what is hypnosis like?

Hypnosis isn’t like a coma. It’s not unconsciousness – more a subtle shifting of consciousness. In hypnosis, you can still think logically but you also have access to the ‘software’ of your mind so that you can update instinctive emotional and physical responses. In fact the hypnotised subject (not the hypnotist) calls the shots. When I hypnotise someone I need to go at their speed and respond to their needs and expectations. Hypnosis will give you more control in your own life because of what it enables you to do.

How can I be so sure?

Because over the decades I’ve seen all kinds of people, all ages and from all backgrounds turn their lives around thanks to hypnosis. When you use hypnosis for yourself it improves confidence in all kinds of ways. When you use it to change other’s lives it just blows you away. This is what I mean.

When I first hypnotised someone to feel no sensation in a painful arthritic arm it was an incredible feeling. When I first cured life long phobias quickly and comfortably I was astounded. When I stopped hardened alcoholics from drinking and even got a heroin addict off the stuff and back into mainstream life again I started to feel angry that people could just associate hypnosis with entertainment.

With the aid of hypnosis I (and many people I have trained and worked with) have helped severely depressed people feel strong and positive again. The rewards and satisfactions are hard to describe. I’m going to take a stand against ignorance and short sightedness around hypnosis and here’s why.

Why you need to reclaim hypnosis for yourself

Hypnosis is your birthright. It’s nature’s optimum learning tool. In fact to learn and perform anything well you need to experience a natural focussing of attention, a natural kind of hypnosis. To be successful hypnosis needs to be your companion and friend.

Successful people use it naturally all the time because hypnosis is natural. It’s the way we learn new responses. Unlike medications its side effects are purely positive – one expectant mother I worked with to feel relaxed during child birth later reported that she was also more relaxed when flying!

Hypnosis is easy to learn and every body can benefit. Hypnosis is a safe environment to ‘try out’ new behaviours and emotional patterns before you experience them for real. So the young man can ask a woman out for a date many times in calm relaxed hypnosis so that by the time he does it for real it feels real and natural and relaxed. Sports people who use hypnosis learn new quicker and more accurately. So hypnosis gives you more control of yourself and your life, it’s natural and gives you instant benefits and it’s a way of ‘trying on’ and establishing new patterns of emotional response and behaviour, Hypnosis enables you to develop yourself as a human being.

HypnosisDownloads.com offer a free course called ‘Learn Hypnosis in 5 Days‘.

Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.

I used to be frighteningly under confident in social situations. And although people who know me now would never believe I used to doubt myself so much I literally had to learn confidence until it became a natural part of me. I can tell you relaxed optimistic confidence is just, well so much more fun.

Here I’ll tell you about the things that made the most difference to my confidence levels…

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence? ‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for you brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed hypnotic state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. If you listen to a hypnotic cd or download that can make the benefits even more powerful (see my profile below). So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

It took me years to learn how to be more confident – now you can do it in a fraction of the time. Good luck!

Boost your confidence now at HypnosisDownloads.com

Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.