(c) Copyright 2010 by Joe Dumas

Some events make people happy and others sad.

Why someone gets mad about a particular event or situation, whilst to another person, it leaves them indifferent ?

You may reply that this person has a different personality and another was brought up this way.

This article explores how you can improve your self esteem by examining what type of thinking occurs in your head.

Distorted thinking occurs when someone does not think straight. For example, people who take illicit drugs are often portrayed as socially inadequate and influenced by their peers. They want to feel useful and be successful in life, yet, they exhibit a high level of fatalistic outlook of life and resignation because they are not in control . Hence, this dichotomy manifests itself in their erratic thinking and behaviour.

Thinking straight is capital to your well being because this decide how you will feel and what you will do every day. This introspection of “feelings” is part of your self esteem. It is a constant occurrence because human beings are always thinking and feeling.

People do not always think the same way about things. If they “think” differently and “feel” differently about things, then they “do” things differently.

What differentiates humans from animals is this capacity to think and to reason.

Thinking straight helps us to make informed or uninformed decisions about how to react, how to feel, how to be happy or sad about things.

Ultimately, the “SELF” (i.e. the “I”, the EGO )is the governing factor.

“My view of the world”, is my Self Esteem. It is about my motivation and personal identity and aspirations. William James gave this definition in 1890 in the Principles of Psychology: “Self esteem is success divided by pretensions”. James implied that high self esteem was not dependent only upon success in life. A person may exhibit a high level of success in their profession and be admired, yet deep down, they may be depressed or have a negative opinion of themselves because their aspirations, desires, goals or pretensions were not met.

Often, people will go to counselling because, they are upset, disturbed, sad, depressed as these negative feelings do not go away.

What is the cause all this low self esteem ? Could we just lay the blame on an alcoholic partner, incoherent government, incompetent teacher, intolerant parents or insensitive partner ?

If we keep on finger pointing or blaming others or events, then we are responsible for acquiring low Self esteem.

You need to ask yourself the following questions:

What was the cause of the Upset ? Does the things that I aspire in life (better job, being accepted and liked, more money, etc) not met?

It is often your OPINION or YOUR POINT OF VIEW about an event, person, situation, that caused you to be upset, sad, depressed. Therefore, you are not disturbed by things, events, but by your  emotional reactions and distressing feelings.

What are the consequences of low or poor self esteem?

Low or poor self esteem is an insidious disease. When it is present inside your head, you hardly know that you have got it, until you realise that you are depressed, shameful, feeling guilty and down right negative.

Do I need to see a Doctor or get admitted to a Psychiatric hospital?

You have heard the expression “putting your thinking cap on”. Well, it is possible that if you think about something in a particular way, you may “talk” yourself into it. You can make happen that very thing that you wished not to happen.

Here is an example of distorted thinking: Avoid anxious thoughts or outcomes

You  go shopping. Suddenly, an anxious thought occurs: I may faint or collapse because of the noise and the crowd.

Feelings of panic, confusion and anxiety seize you. The corrective action is this: I have been shopping before and nothing happened.

Just because I do not feel well, does not mean that something terrible will occur. After all, thousands of people shop daily and hardly anyone collapses.

I need to relax, sit down, build my self confidence and the feeling will pass.

Obviously, there is no black or white thinking. Focusing on negatives or having unrealistic expectations will not help.

One area which could be of assistance is by talking to a counsellor.

The second area is :
Stop Being Closed Minded

If pain persists, Personal online counselling is available.

P.S. "The HAPPINESS of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.... The Pursuit of Happiness is the chase of a lifetime and this can be achieved if your thoughts are focused on self respect and SELF ESTEEM."