(c) Copyright 2010 by Joe Dumas

You must honestly confront your shattered dream. Each one of us has been hurt

somehow at some stage of our life. Yes, our self esteem has been tampered,

shattered and laid bare.

For some it was this failure which stares at you at the forefront of your mind.

The incapacity to obtain a satisfactory conclusion to a personal, social, educational,

commercial transaction can leave you feeling unworthy.

For others, it may be this sense of guilt that lingers on. You should have done this;

You should have acted this way; You should have replied in this manner;

You should have…But you did not and the guilt remains like a sour taste in the mouth.

Sometimes, you are overwhelmed with this feeling of inadequacy. You are embarrassed

that you have made a fool out of yourself. Your ego is ashamed and low self esteem sets in.

How can you transform this liability into an asset?

How can I transmute this dungeon of shame into a haven of redemptive solace?

Almost anything that happens to you can be woven into a meaningful tapestry. For example, a Christian person can see God at work when faced with difficulties. Carrying that cross can be a meaningful way of breaking that self centred pride.

Your Self esteem fear can be overcome by  a very simple technique:

Situation: Try to view events, situations or actions in an objective way. Imagine that you a neutral observer instead of being the “I”, the “me”. Adopt an unbiased view of the situation at hand. This is not an easy thing to do when you are desperate, depressed, downcast and negative, but you must persevere as practice makes perfect.

Evaluation: Again this is not an easy exercise One way to evaluate a problem objectively is as follows:  Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a line in the middle. On the left write down the pros and on the left, spell the cons. If you are honest with yourself, you will evaluate (place values) where it is required.

Another Evaluation tool is this: Take a good look at yourself presently. Look at the blessings that God has bestowed upon you. You have eyes to see; you have a voice to sing or speak; you have hands to touch; you have a mouth to eat or drink; you have a nose to smell or breathe; you probably have reasonably good health and have a job to put food on the table….

When you consider that there are millions of people who lack some of the above, you can count yourself lucky. So do not be afraid if your ego is bruised slightly. Pick yourself up and move on.

Emotions: Change your emotions to suit the situation. For example, if you are down and feeling a failure, then fake it. Pretend that you are on the way up and that you are a success. Again, this is not easy, but start by smiling and laughing at yourself.

The above example will increase your self esteem and confidence and as a result of your positive actions, you will confront your fears and realise that those difficulties and hiccups were necessary to mould your personality. You will discover that over time, those challenges were useful in your makeup and made you the person that you are

P.S. "The HAPPINESS of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.... The Pursuit of Happiness is the chase of a lifetime and this can be achieved if your thoughts are focused on self respect and SELF ESTEEM."